Why I do it?

Being skinny. What does it really mean to me? It has always been an interesting subject. From feeling so fat no one likes me to not really understanding my body at all. In high school I had a weird perception of my body. I didn't know fit, how to style myself or even proper sizing which led me to feel even more insecure about myself. Being skinny meant a lot of things like being liked, being pretty and just being popular. When I first started working out in any capacity it was the summer I thought I was going to break up with b. I was anticipating being hurt that summer so started to workout via a routine in seventeen and cosmo. It changed everything. I saw a change in my body and I liked it. I weighed 114 that summer, a shocker and felt good in a bikini.

Exercise empowered me but I was still thinking superficially about it. One line from b completely derailed all my efforts and it took almost a year and a half to get back any semblance of wanting to change my body. In 2008 of that january I finally started to workout again and using my room as a gym I was successful for about a month till a series of unfortunate events ended my efforts again in april. I couldn't do anything and I steadily gained weight through 08 till the summer of 09 when I once again took a stand with my health and feelings.

I never felt good being fat. I never felt good carry around a muffin top, not fitting jeans proper or sucking in to fake a slighty flat tummy. In the summer of 09 I took a different approach to why i do it and I decided that doing it for someone else isn't enough motivation. I think thats why it was so easy for me to lose track and give up. This past summer the only reason I really stopped was because of the move. I gained some of the weight I lost during the summer and then some rounding out at 125 I believe at my highest. I've started to take a more forward approach with making fitness a priority even when its not possible. I feel better when I complete it. I feel accomplished, I see results and my mood is better.

I have a ways to go but I know why I do it. I do it for my health and happiness. No shortcuts. I feel stronger capable of doing anything.